Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
