oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
