I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
