Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
