Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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