Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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