but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
