I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
