Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
should my penis look like a turkey
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
