I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
pop tarts are not kleenex
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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