Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
