I CAN MOONWALK!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
