guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
