Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I have demons in me.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
