I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
