Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
