I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
