I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Rumble strips road head = magical
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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