College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
