you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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