There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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