I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
