so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
