i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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