the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
