I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
