Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
