He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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