I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
