She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
