1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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