Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
