i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
