So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
