lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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