jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
being pregnant is like rehab
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
