Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
