I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
