I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
