...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
do herpes really smell.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
