No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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