I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
