Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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