In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
