she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
