Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
