READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
