Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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