Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
