i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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